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Letter 2

Posted by E. D. on November 10, 2016 at 11:35 PM Comments comments (0)

My love,

If you ever worry you aren't enough, just remember you're my best friend.

When you are hurting, let my love comfort you.

When you are sad, let me hold you and dry your eyes.

When you are scared, let me chase the monsters away.

When you feel alone, let me sit with you.

It really boils down to being with you. Let me be with you and share in this life just as we promised each other years ago. As the years brush over us like waves, leaving their marks of age, let's weather them hand-in-hand! After all, it's your hand that fits mine, and your love that fits my heart.

Yours truly,


Letter 1

Posted by E. D. on August 18, 2016 at 12:35 AM Comments comments (0)

My love,

You make my heart soar!

When I've failed completely, and I've slumped in the dust, making mud a tear at a time, you are the one who picks me up and dusts me off. If in no other way, I know that to have your love I cannot have truly failed. Do I deserve such love? Not in my mind, but God has the grace to bless me with you.

I wish I could say with certainty that we will triumph over all and there will be no more bumps in our road together, but there is so little that one can be certain of these days. I know I love you, and I'll do whatever I can to care for you. You deserve so much more than me, dear, but I'll do my best to love you in every way I can!

Your laughter, and the laughter of our children, are my dearest treasures. On hard days I close my eyes and remember your voices. It's hard not to just pack up and leave so I can come home and hold you until my worries fade! Somehow your presence calms me in that way.

I know this letter is not the most romantic letter I could share, but it's honest... just wanted to write this down so you'll always know how much I love you and how much I appreciate you. God bless you, and I'll see you soon.


Alone and that's okay.

Posted by E. D. on August 5, 2016 at 1:45 PM Comments comments (0)

It's so interesting to live in 2016, as everyone is electronically connected all the time. I have created pages on Facebook to bring people together and have had some success. However, my blog and this journal have largely been ignored by anyone and everyone that I care about. I wonder why I even maintain this site any more. At least I will be able to read it and look back at where I was mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Just trying to attain some sort of perspective.

So much of today's media is all about exposure! Make sure you're the one being talked about by making interesting videos, taking interesting pictures, etc! What a loud mess! It's comforting to finally recognize and accept that people don't really care what I think, what I do, or even who I am. So much of my youth was wasted worrying about being recognized and known that I didn't even consider what I would do if I actually accomplished such a feat.

In any case, I'll keep this site as my personal journal and leave it at that.

Emotionally Adrift Again

Posted by E. D. on May 28, 2016 at 12:05 AM Comments comments (0)

I seem to be facing the same crisis of identity that I've struggled with since my adolescence. The familiar feeling that I just don't belong where I am gnaws at me yet again, and I'm so ready to set my roots down and just BE! Perhaps it's better to be than belong... Perhaps the notion of having a life that fulfills is an errant one... Perhaps, but I'm not convinced that this gnawing, aching, pulling feeling is meant to be 'normal' for me or anyone. I've tried to determine where it is that I feel pulled to, but to no avail. The summation of the above-mentioned sensations is one of restlesness and frustration. I talk with the people around me, noticing the struggles that they deal with as well, and get the impression that they are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. Where is that kind of experience for me? Is it a job, a hobby, a volunteer opportunity, or is it simply a matter of perspective and I should fit in wherever I am? If this whole thing could be solved with the latter idea, how is that achieved and why have I been unable to attain such a perspective? (I've been actively trying to do this very thing for over a year now.) Right now, I'm praying about it all, seeking guidance. At present such help is not forthcoming, and I wonder how old I will be by the time I receive an answer...

Blood & Tears Shed

Posted by E. D. on October 6, 2015 at 2:15 PM Comments comments (0)

When I close my eyes,

I can hear the music in the wind

It sings of adventure and excitement,

danger and tribulation...

Will you share in this adventure?

Have the stars as a ceiling

and the grass as your bed?

Will you share in the blood and tears shed?

I feel a stirring in my soul:

A tug from beyond my screen and books.

Something real is waiting to challenge me

Deeper than I've yet looked.

My hand aches for a sword!

My heart for the unexplored ahead!

My head seeks righteousness

I will create, do, BE!

And never once will I regret

The blood and tears shed.

Journal 08/17/2015

Posted by E. D. on August 17, 2015 at 2:25 PM Comments comments (1)

I am starting a journal. Hardly the first journal entry I've written, but I hope to make this a journal I will keep for many years to come.

It's raining outside, and I'm listening to Yuna's Ballad… just fills me with memories! It occurs to me just how many of my memories are ones that I regret. The many people in my life that I mistreated, failed to treasure… I am truly sorry!

I make a point to love people as best as I can every day. Part of that is because I don't want to regret any more hurt hearts. I need to move on from this! I've dragged my self-hatred along with me, cursing myself for my mistakes, for many many years now. It is time to be free! I have just the one life that I want to fully give to my wife and children. I cannot keep hurting myself to atone for my bullying and angry words. My daughters need a better role-model than that!

I wish I had stood up for what is right more than I did. I still have that opportunity, and I WILL NOT let it pass again! To do what is the right thing to do, I must forgive myself at last. So, here goes…

I forgive you, Ed! For your cowardice, your envy, anger, stupidity, ignorance, apathy, and vice, I forgive you. For every wrong you have done against God and your fellow man, I forgive you. As Jesus commanded, go and sin no more!!! Go and love those God brings into your life! It's not about you; it never has been!!! For the love of everything that is truly Holy, GET OVER YOURSELF AT LAST!!!

I'm not sure if it'll stick, but I'm going to do my utmost to see that it does. For any that would read this, please know that I love each and every one of you.


God Bless,


Lessons Learned

Posted by E. D. on March 1, 2015 at 9:25 PM Comments comments (0)

'When life gives you lemons...'

Yeah, we've heard it before

I'm tired of lemonade

But I've learned from my sores

When life gets colder

And I'm hit harder

If work gets rougher

Or just takes longer

My armor gets thicker

calluses get rougher

My muscles get bigger

I'm mentally tougher

Seems like I'm always fighting

Just waiting for release

From the worry, day and night

I'm still searching for peace

While I learn from every fall

Harden from each bruise

Somehow I take it all

And God is pulling me through

Despair replaced with Hope

Despondence with resolve

Amazed that I can still cope

And find that inner calm

Not sure what battle awaits

So I'm increasing my discipline

I need to be ready to face

The enemy as a guardian


Posted by E. D. on March 24, 2014 at 11:25 AM Comments comments (0)

I want to be free

Can You break these chains?

Relieve this pain?

Erase the blame?

Quell these flames?

Sometimes I can't see

The fullness of Your Grace

So I run away

Hide my face

Wallow in shame

Don't I deserve the pain?

Can I return again?

I wanna change,

but I'm afraid

I'll just remain

and stagnate

Breathe your life into me!

Tear away the apathy!

Make me the man I should be

So I can share Your story

1 Corinthians 13:11

Posted by E. D. on October 21, 2013 at 11:55 AM Comments comments (0)

Dropping rocks

Into my little pond

To distort the surface

You can't see underneath

There's really nothing left

Like a bookless shelf

But there's life after death

So much more I can be

Put the child away

Stand tall in his place

Time to make some changes

And embrace the new me

We define our names

Write out these pages

Establish today's pace

Doesn't matter who sees

Script Episode 7: Worry Lines

Posted by E. D. on February 17, 2012 at 10:50 PM Comments comments (0)

Hey faithful readers...

Script here. I know it's been a while since I've posted... about a month! However, there's a very good reason for that: the school was attacked by aliens! Not mutants, but aliens! These were crazy green shape-shifting aliens that the professors seemed to recognize. Green bastards just showed up and started going agro! According to Professor Arms, these aliens, Vergents, normally sneak into places and engage in spying using their ability to blend in. Not these guys! They just showed up and started beating on students! Of course, these are not your everyday teens. Tris actually fought one herself and beat it. I thought she was going to kill it when Nathan stopped her! There was chaos everywhere! One of the green guys punched me in the stomach, and I stunned him long enough with a mirage of Aslan leaping on him to land my own nice sucker-punch! Yes! Abby and Read came hustling down the halls with the grown-ups on their tails. The green guys didn't have a chance! They were all rounded up and pinned. Prof Seer held them all down with her mind! I was relieved to see Abby was okay. I walked over to her... she was crying, and Read pushed her toward me. "Abby, I'm so...." Didn't get to finish. She kissed me more passionately than I've ever even heard of! My God...

"I was so worried that you were hurt, or worse! I was afraid! I'm sorry for not talking to you. I just had to work out the pain and anger..." Her head was buried in my chest. "You smell great!" Leave it to Abby.

Anyway, after things quieted down, Nathan rallied us back to the common room for a chat. "So, classes are canceled until further notice... Obviously, we have things to attend to, so I have to go. How about you guys go over some squad drills while I'm gone?" Then the big guy left and we all groaned at the thought of more 'tactical maneuvering.' Instead, we started talking about the aliens. Tris didn't seem to like them...

"Vergents! Ridiculous fiends! They should know better than to show their wretched chins around me! In fact, I would not be surprised that they were here for me. Fools!" Tris was still pumped after pounding the poor green guy she was fighting... Lot looked a bit embarrassed because he squealed and ran at the first sight of violence... Ha ha!

I scanned the faces, and my smile faded as I recounted heads... "Wait! Guys! Has anyone seen Andrew?" They all looked around like he'd pop out of their butts any minute, because he might, but no sign of him could be found! "What if they got him?!" Lot was freaking out!

"What if he was one of them all along?!" Tris had her own perspective."They can shape-shift! Why do you think he was so good at sneaking? He could be anything or anyone!"

"Speaking of being out of character, what's with you Lot? You seem to be pretty shaken up. Are you okay?" I patted the rocky shoulder. Tris continued absent-mindedly.

"No... he's definitely true-to-form! Show him alien skin and he gets all timid and..." Lot's eyes got wide as he stared at Tris and barely shook his head. Tris turned purple, and I looked at Read for confirmation... Yep, nothing going on there, despite big grey's efforts... Yeah, moving on!

"Awww... someone not comfortable with E.T. helping him get his rocks off?" I didn't have to turn around, everyone knew Andrew was in the room. I turned to see him grinning, dangling from Nate's hand. Nathan acted like he hadn't heard the remark. "Found him."

"Good! Hold him still!" Tris was going to deck the little twerp! She would have if anyone else was holding Andrew. Nate caught her fist, squeezed it, and then told her to sitdown. Damn Nate is cool sometimes! He shook Andrew a bit and jabbed a finger at him before setting him down. "Now, you kids behave! I'll be back in an hour."

The room was loud with silence! Tris was actually crying a bit, being consoled by Read and Abby, looking after Lot who went storming off to bed. Andrew was juggling knives and scanning for something else to attack... little jerk... I was trying to make sense of everything that had happened. Soon, Tris went to bed. Silently I wondered if Abby and I would ever go past making out... Don't get me wrong, she's amazing at that, but that makes a guy wonder how much better sex would be... Speaking of which, we went to her room to get reacquainted... I have no idea what Read and Andrew did. Don'tcare.

After regrouping, Lot and Tris were looking really happy with each other, and Andrew sulked in the corner... I don't know... We played some Clue, which is totally unfair when you're not a telepath who could justify everything she knew because she's also really smart... never again! Anyway, after fighting over that and Read sulking in the corner of the room, we all cooled down watching some good old-fashioned cartoons. Daffy Duck is hilarious, end of story! I kept looking around... felt like I was being watched, or that something wasn't quite right... but it was still an enjoyable evening.

The next few days consisted of simple schoolwork given via email... professors seemed to be nowhere around... I guess they had a lead on the Vergent attack... Nate would show up occasionally, then disappear again, so we took to playing outside. Basketball, volleyball, swimming... have I mentioned that Read, Abby, and even Tris are all healthy-looking females? On top of that, the lifeguard was a HOT Chinese chick! That was a good day.

Finally, Nathan announced that we all could return to classes as usual. Abby went to speak to Dr Homsley and was out the whole day! Later that evening she returned to the common room looking more blanched than ever. "What's wrong?" I wrapped her in a hug. She was freezing, and shaking! "Are you sick babe?" I checked Abby's head, but it was as cold as the rest of her.

"Homsley... he took my ball... said it was what the Vergents were after... dangerous..." Abby was shaking like a leaf. Read was looking rather panicked.

"What is it Read? Tell me something!" Read was crying at the same time Abby was crying. "Ethan, she needs her ball! The withdrawal is too much! It's killing her!" Read was hysterical. She was normally so quiet and serene that this outburst even unsettled Andrew. He looked uneasily from Abby to Read to me, then raised a corner of his mouth and headed out the door.

"Calm down! Let's..."

"No! She's my best friend! I can't let her go through this! You don't understand, her mind is on fire right now!"

"She's my best friend too. What should we do?"

"I know... She needs her ball." Read seemed rather faint herself by that point.

"I'll see what I can do." I headed straight for Doc's office, but only got halfway. The Doc and Andrew met me headed in the other direction. Homsley had the ball in a cloth bag and his stoic face seemed to bear more lines than usual. "It's gone farther than I had hoped it would. It took too long to pinpoint what it was! Now we must tread carefully."

"Doc?" I was running along with them by that point. "What's going on?!"

"Abigail's link with this ball... it's a symbiosis, Ethan. They rely on each other: It relies on her for mobility and companionship, she relies on it for answers to questions that nobody else can answer. I worried about its infallibility, how it had such a potency, but didn't think it was dangerous. I've watched Abigail closely since her arrival here, and I haven't seen any signs of danger. The Vergents came from nowhere, and the ones I've interrogated seem to think that a student had an orb that their race could use to see the future. I believe that this ball is that self-same device."

"Oh my god! The Vergents made the thing?!"

"I don't think so Ethan. Again, it's a living thing. I doubt anybody made this ball."

We had reached the common room, and Homsley placed the ball on Abby's stomach. I watched as Abby became healthy and woke up before my eyes! I held her close against me, terrified and hating the fact that this ball had to be near her.

"Ethan, I'm okay now. You'll see, I'll be okay." Abby kissed me and smiled at the Doc. "Thank you Doctor Homsley."

"My pleasure miss Abigail." Doc smiled. "I want you to report to me every day. We need to continue to monitor this connection. I'm sorry I didn't uncover your codependency earlier."

"It's all right. As long as we're all okay now." Abby smiled: That smile always makes everything seem to be okay. She could smile as I'm getting eaten alive and I'd willingly go along with the trip!

So here we are, always looking out for aliens, worried about Abby, and trying to keep our grades up. Yeesh! I'll report back in later.