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Journal 08/17/2015

Posted by E. D. on August 17, 2015 at 2:25 PM

I am starting a journal. Hardly the first journal entry I've written, but I hope to make this a journal I will keep for many years to come.

It's raining outside, and I'm listening to Yuna's Ballad… just fills me with memories! It occurs to me just how many of my memories are ones that I regret. The many people in my life that I mistreated, failed to treasure… I am truly sorry!

I make a point to love people as best as I can every day. Part of that is because I don't want to regret any more hurt hearts. I need to move on from this! I've dragged my self-hatred along with me, cursing myself for my mistakes, for many many years now. It is time to be free! I have just the one life that I want to fully give to my wife and children. I cannot keep hurting myself to atone for my bullying and angry words. My daughters need a better role-model than that!

I wish I had stood up for what is right more than I did. I still have that opportunity, and I WILL NOT let it pass again! To do what is the right thing to do, I must forgive myself at last. So, here goes…

I forgive you, Ed! For your cowardice, your envy, anger, stupidity, ignorance, apathy, and vice, I forgive you. For every wrong you have done against God and your fellow man, I forgive you. As Jesus commanded, go and sin no more!!! Go and love those God brings into your life! It's not about you; it never has been!!! For the love of everything that is truly Holy, GET OVER YOURSELF AT LAST!!!

I'm not sure if it'll stick, but I'm going to do my utmost to see that it does. For any that would read this, please know that I love each and every one of you.

 

God Bless,

ED

Categories: Journal

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1 Comment

Reply E. D.
2:32 PM on August 17, 2015 
I know I had mentioned no more journal entries but, after much reflection, I've determined that putting my thoughts into writing is too much a part of my creative process to not do so now. I very much wish I had held onto my previous journals over the years!